Running Towards Myself
by KitKatt0430
Summary: Wally leaves Central City to find himself. She goes back in the end to tell her family what she found. (A genderfluid Wally West is long distance BFFs with Linda Park story.)


Summary: Wally leaves Central City to find himself. She goes back in the end to tell her family what she found.

(A genderfluid Wally West is long distance BFFs with Linda Park story.)

Notes: For Prompt B1 on my DCTVGen Bingo card - Character of Color

A story that I've been wanting to write for a while, but couldn't seem to write it until suddenly it poured out of my fingers and into a text document one evening quite unexpectedly.

_**Running Towards Myself**_

Wally showed up at a cafe in Coast City twirling a yellow rose in his fingers and wondering if this was Iris' way of setting him up on a date. Yellow roses meant friendship, though, so he hoped the answer was 'no'. The last thing he wanted after breaking up with Jesse was to jump into yet another relationship.

He felt this itch in his skin, the need to run, run, run. An uncertainty gnawed at the back of his mind about who he was and where he fit in. It'd been a quiet thing while he'd been dating Jesse, but their breakup had revved the noise up until it was all he heard.

Getting out of Central City was a relief. He'd been going from city to city, saving people and moving on. Staying at cheap motels and camping in the woods and everything felt so new and exciting. But when he'd told Iris he was head to Coast City next, she'd insisted he check in with her friend Linda – who was Barry's ex and in on the whole Team Flash secret – and then it turned out Linda was cool with him crashing on her couch while he was in town.

"Is that a yellow... yes, yes it is. Hi, uh... Wally, right?" Linda looked just as lovely in person as she did in the picture Iris texted him.

"That's me. And you're Linda." He stood up and shook her hand, unable to help smiling in the face of Linda's own gorgeous grin.

"It's too bad we didn't have a chance to meet before Zoom chased me out of town," Linda told him, once the settled at the table. "When Iris told me she had a little brother pop up out of nowhere, I told her she needed to make up her mind what genre her life was. Super hero comics or soap opera."

"Both is good," Wally said immediately, the response nearly reflexive.

Linda cackled with laughter. "If you're not busy taking after that foster brother of yours this evening, we should totally watch The Road to El Dorado tonight. I can tell you embarrassing stories about Barry and Iris."

Wally had a feeling that Iris' choice of flowers might be prophetic after all. It looked like the two o them were going to be great friends. "Iris is going to regret introducing us so much."

* * *

He'd loved Jesse. A lot. Girl broke his heart and she didn't even do it herself. Made her father deliver the breakup cube for her.

Wally was still upset about it, even after he'd gone to Earth-2 to get answers and she'd apologized for how she'd handled things. It was, to some degree, a cultural thing. But so infuriating and humiliating…

Linda was the first person he really opened up to about how the break up made him feel. She taught him a recipe for pumpkin spice blondes that night. "My go to comfort food. Unless I'm sick and then I make my dad's recipe for juk." Seeing Wally's confusion, she elaborated, "it's a rice porridge, except tastier and sort of stew-like. It's sooo good."

"I'll have to give that a try sometime," Wally decided, grinning.

"If you're still here by the time the weekend rolls around, I'll make you some," Linda promised. "Now, what do you think of the blondies?"

Taking a bite, Wally hummed with pleasure. "Oh, wow, these are so good."

"Melting the brown sugar over the stove can be finicky but oh so worth what pops out of the oven later," Linda nommed on her own slice blissfully. "I made a batch of these after Barry and I broke up the second time."

"The second time?"

"Yeah. I broke up with him, he ate spicy peppers to impress me and win me back. It was a weird thing, but weird in a cute way. And kind of my own fault he went that route." Linda giggled. "The look on his face when the heat kicked in. That dork. But… he broke up with me the second time around. I think he finally realized that I was right when I broke up with him. He was too hung up on Iris for us to work. Admittedly, in retrospect the whole Flash thing was probably eating up way too much of his time too. But we did stay friends, which I'm glad about."

"So, if you've got a go to break up comfort food, do you have a go to break up comfort movie?" Wally'd enjoyed watching The Road to El Dorado with her the other night. Linda made for great commentary.

"The Princess Bride, hands down."

"Yessss… I haven't watched that in so long. Let's put it on."

* * *

When Wally leaves Coast City, its with the promise to text Linda everywhere he goes. And he does.

After finishing his tour of the contiguous United States, Wally checks out Hawaii – runs all the way there because, why not? And then Puerto Rico, where Cisco's maternal grandparents let him stay in their guest room. Wally decides against Alaska (too cold) and starts planning to visit places that aren't part of the United States as either an actual state or a territory. He starts with Mexico – returning to Central City long enough to get a passport – and sees some pretty amazing sights. There are quite a few Kid Flash sightings at archaeological sites that make Wally eager to see more. He heads down towards Panama and then further to a whole new continent.

South America is gorgeous and Linda oohs and aahs over ever picture he sends her.

But… while the run, run, run itch settles, the feeling of uncertainty about himself remains. Wally wishes he knew what he was missing.

* * *

Wally's at a pride march in Brazil when he sees the genderfluid flag in person for the first time. He's seen it before online – mostly tumblr, but a few other places too – and he always liked the colors. But he'd never really thought about what it meant to be genderfluid or nonbinary before.

But at the pride march, which he'd intended to attend as an ally, having never been to one before, Wally couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous people wearing what seemed like mix and match clothing from the mens and womens sides of a department store.

Wally sees this one person in a rainbow skirt and white button up with a black jacket that he's just… he wants to wear that outfit himself. The exact outfit, with the skirt and everything. He hasn't wanted anything this badly since the first time he saw Barry run as the Flash.

The want punches into him so hard that Wally has to find a place to sit down. He realizes he's crying, slow tears, and he's not sure why. Happy tears or sad ones or… are confused tears a thing? Because if they are then Wally is definitely crying in confusion.

He looks back at the crowd and the flags, particularly the genderfluid one that was almost out of sight now. And, for the first time in his life, Wally wondered if maybe he wasn't cis after all.

* * *

It's a question that gnaws on him as he runs across the ocean to Africa.

After helping dig several wells in Kenya one afternoon, Wally finds a few blogs and informational sites about the various nonbinary identities. And he just… reads. Goes from country to country, educating himself on the myriad cultures and the rich history of the continent his ancestors came from while simultaneously learning more about an identity that he's starting to feel fits him better than just being a man ever did.

Wally is tentatively considering that he might sometimes prefer to go by she or even they by the time he's ready to head for Europe. But he's absolutely certain that he's genderfluid.

* * *

She buys her first skirt in Spain.

The fabric flows around her legs like nothing she's ever felt before. She feels radiant and beautiful and when she looks in the mirror and sees herself she feels like this is what she's been looking for. She takes a picture of herself with a great big smile on her face.

Later, as Wally flips through the pictures he took that day, he stops and stares at that picture, at the smile he'd been wearing… and smiles again. That warm feeling of certainty in his chest that came from using she/her pronouns lingered even now.

He/him still fit, but so did she/her. Either way, they/them didn't really work for Wally.

There was just one thing that plagued her in the morning. How to tell his family and friends about this new side to herself?

* * *

Wally's on her way back to Coast City when she meets Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern. Who is handsome and charming.

They fight aliens together and Hal is totally cool with Wally being genderfluid. And he flirts with Wally, though Wally gets the impression that Hal is just a flirt in general. But its fun to be flirted with. Even if it starts up a whole new crisis with Wally because…

What's her sexuality now anyway?

* * *

He gets to Linda's apartment late, wearing a white and blue skirt, an orange top, and a very nervous smile. Linda opens the door, takes one look at him, and throws her arms around him in a hug.

"You look good, Wally. All that travel has done you a world of good."

Wally breathes out and all his tension goes with it. All their texting had made Linda his closest friend, but he'd been afraid to tell her about this over texts. He'd wanted to do it in person.

"I, uh… I figured out I'm genderfluid," he told her. "I've been using both he/him and she/her pronouns and it all just… it all just feels right."

"You go girl!" Linda grinned and Wally laughed and everything felt lighter.

* * *

"Worried about telling Joe, Iris, and Barry?" Linda asked.

"Yeah. And Cecile. She and Joe haven't gotten married, but she's definitely family too. And I'm looking forward to holding Jenna again. I only showed up for a couple of days after she was born before running off again. And I think I might be pan. Or pan-ace? I'm not… sure. So its a lot to tell them and I am so nervous about telling them and what if it all goes..." Wally trailed off as Linda put a finger up to her mouth in a classic 'shush' sign.

"Breathe, Wally. Oxygen is important. They love you so much. They're going to be so proud of you for how much bravery it takes to come out. Even if some of them don't understand what this really means for you, I know them. They'll respect you and your identity and your pronouns." Linda poked Wally's nose and added, "call me, once you've told them. I'm your source of moral support and I want to hear all about it."

"I promise."

"Now... panromantic ace? Want to talk about any of that?"

So he does. He talks about Hal Jordan making him flustered and how his attraction to Jesse, though strong, had never really been particularly sexual in retrospect. "Like... if sexual attraction is the equivalent of turtles in a pond, then I have no turtles in my pond." Which then led to Wally digging up the web comic he was referencing.

"Huh," Linda hummed and grinned. "So I guess that, as a pansexual, I've got all kinds of turtles in my pond. Also, if you do settle on panromantic... pan solidarity, Walls." She held up a hand for him to high five, which Wally does with a smile.

* * *

Wally calls a family meeting. Just Joe, Cecile, Iris, and Barry (and baby Jenna, but she didn't exactly have the cognitive function to count as a participant yet). She shares with them pictures from her travels and when she gets to the pride parade in Brazil and recounts how she felt, realizing that the reason she'd been feeling uncomfortable in her own skin was because…

She was genderfluid.

She told them about the different countries she visited in Africa, the different cultures she encountered, the vast history she'd begun to learn about… and how she'd finally found herself, admitting that she was neither a man nor a woman but both.

Joe started crying, a big smile on his face. "I'm so proud of you Wally," he told her.

Cecile hugged her, as did Iris and Barry. Each reassuring Wally they loved her very much.

"So does this mean I can call you my sister sometimes, or would you rather I stick with sibling since its gender neutral?" Iris asked, claiming another hug.

"Sibling. And, um, I'd prefer something gender neutral instead of son or daughter too."

Joe smiled and nodded. "I'm proud of you, kid," he repeated, before finally giving Wally a hug ofhis own.

* * *

"So you were right," Wally said when Linda answered her cell.

"One day you'll learn, Walls, I'm always right." She sounded unreasonably sure of herself, such that all Wally could do was laugh in response.


End file.
